Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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