when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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