I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
