She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just high enough for therapy.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
