I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
