We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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