omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I don't think brook has ever known best
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
