Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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