Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
did you just send me my own nude
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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