trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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