i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
