I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
