im six kinds of drunk right now
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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