I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
