I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
