I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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