Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
