The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
