You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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