dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
