you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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