I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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