Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
