This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
