"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Sober January is a disaster.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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