guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
