Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
