dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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