You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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