Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
