i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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