omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
