Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
