I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
