I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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