My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
