This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
