You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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