I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
