This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
