Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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