I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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