Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
