Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
