Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
