I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
