you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
