She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
