I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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