I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
