the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
