At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
