I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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