This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You pole danced in your parka.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
