dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
is that a dick in a sweater?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
