Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize