Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
