My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
worst night to have a conscience
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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