Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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